Movie Review: TERI MERI KAHAANI (2012) – Three Times The Terrible

It’s been a while since I’ve seen a horrible Bollywood movie, so I guess this was overdue. This installment of terrible ass love stories from Indian Cinema comes in the form of the nonsensical TERI MERI KAHAANI.

Rating: 1 Out Of 5 Stars

Directed by Kunal Kohli whose has some good films to his name, but this time he further shows how inconsistent he really is with his filmmaking.

TERI MERI KAHAANI is about 3 different love stories, in 3 different generations… where Shahid Kapoor & Priyanka Chopra always plays the couples. That’s it. That’s all the story is about. Truly innovative and abstract storytelling right? At least I assume that’s what everyone behind this thought when they were making this trash.

At first, we see Shahid & Priyanka in the 60’s, where she’s an actress and he’s a struggling musician… they meet, it’s cute, they fall in love, and then… due to a misunderstanding which involved Shahid’s character being a dick… there is heartbreak! Then Poof! We’re in another time. FYI: I’m foregoing the names of each of their characters, because it honestly does not matter.

So we’re immediately transported to 2012, and we see new and updated, more ‘modern’ looks for both of them, and again… they meet, it’s cute, they fall in love, and then… again due to Shahid’s character being a dick… there’s heartbreak.

Then the exact same thing happens again! This time it’s like 19-something before India’s independence from the British. The specifics differ, but Shahid’s character is a dick yet again… and heartbreak!

So after this happens 3 times, in 3 different times. You’re wondering… WTF?! I thought the same. There is no connectivity between the 3 couples, no family history… they have nothing to do with each other. At the end of it all, of course, as Bollywood love stories go… there’s a happy ending. Only this time, there are 3 happy endings. All that come about just as inexplicably as the issues that happened in the 1^st place.

19-something: again, dickish-ness will follow this…

For the sake of a comprehensive review, let’s focus on one of the instances of dickish-ness: The pre-Independence era sequence shows us the problem as being that Shahid went to jail for a while for defying the British, to impress Priyanka’s character, in order to redeem his earlier behavior of being a coward. He’s released and comes home to his sweetheart hoping to have found that redemption and be able to live happily ever after with her, only to find her married to someone else. (The heartbreak that I referred to earlier)

he just grabbed a married woman’s hand in public… why isn’t he being stoned?!

However, at the end of the movie, when the movie is wrapping up all 3 storylines for a happy ending, we return to this sequence where Shahid’s getting married to some other chick and Priyanka shows up to see him ‘one last time’. Naturally Shahid then says ‘fuck off’ to his parents (not literally) and the girl he was supposed to marry (who by the way, is all decked out waiting a the Mosque, whose life is now ruined, given that it’s uber conservative times) just to be able to marry the now apparently newly widowed Priyanka.

What?! They don’t even explain that she’s a widow. We just see her in white, implying in the culture that she’s now a widow, so we assume she is. Without any explanation, the reasons which created problems for each couple from the get go, are all ignored in an instance, as we go from one era to the next and see everyone patching up and all is well and it’s another song worthy scene.

Bollywood love stories have a stigma against them to begin with, but to compound the problem with 3 of the same horrible shit stories in one movie is inexcusable.

Priyanka’s performance in SAATH KHOON MAAF showed her maturity as an actress and quite possibly signaled an era of better roles and better choices, which this movie wasn’t. Shahid Kapur is an amazing actor with horrible choices in roles. His best role to date, I think, was KAMINEY, which is sad given how many films he’s actually done.

TERI MERI KAHAANI is a ridiculous movie, even by Bollywood standards. The 3 couple format, means we spent less time seeing each couple on screen, thereby having less time to relate to them or even like them. Making us not at all give a shit about their problems afterwards. Especially when, by the 2^nd couple’s story, you realize it’s going happen again and are irritated when it does.

TERI MERI KAHAANI is a prime example why there is such a stigma against Bollywood love stories of being horrible trash not worthy of any time at all, by South Asians and non South Asians alike.

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